Parenting with Gratitude

Gratitude and mindfulness. I’m pretty sure these two things are the cure-all for any bad mood and can instantly change your perspective. I am trying to practice these on a more regular basis and with more intention. I admit that it’s harder than it sounds. I’ve always been a pretty optimistic person but in the mundane daily grind of work, chores and rushing around, it can be easy to forget to recognize the greatness in each day.

A few months ago, as part of my Masters of Public Health Practicum, I was enrolled in an online mindfulness course through mindfulschools.org. The schools here in town have been having teachers trained in order to teach students mindfulness and self-regulation strategies in the classroom. My project was on community based parenting education and parents identified mindfulness as an area they’d like to know more about, so myself and some of the Public Health nurses enrolled in the course in order to help facilitate strategies with parents. Since then, I’ve been trying to practice these skills at home and at work, and in particular with my son.

Parenting is hard. It’s stressful and exhausting, tests your patience and can feel unrewarding at times. Other times, it’s the most amazing, rewarding experience I’ve ever had. I love being a parent, and can’t wait to have more kids eventually. It’s often hard to remember just how fleeting the younger years are. Max is a toddler already and I have become hyper-aware of just how quickly time flies. I am so guilty of being glued to my phone or thinking about school or work when I should be absorbed in the present moment with him.

As I walked down stairs on Sunday morning to let the dog out and get some coffee started, my living room came into sight. The floor was littered with yesterday’s toys; Lego, books, a dozen cars, a ride-on quad and a red balance bike. My first thought was how much had to be cleaned up even though I spent the majority of nap time yesterday mopping and scrubbing.  But as I stood on the bottom step and looked around, I couldn’t help but smile and be grateful for the mess.

Grateful for the hand-me-downs and the money for new toys.

Grateful for the little boy who made the mess.

Grateful for the time to build Legos and play cars with him.

Grateful for the smiles that these toys bring.

Grateful for a healthy child who brings us so much joy every day.

Grateful for the crayon scribbled art hanging on my fridge door.

Grateful for the quiet moments when Max sits down and plays independently.

Grateful for his squeals of delight at the simplest things.

Grateful for every slobbery kiss and sticky hug.

Grateful that this is my life.

It’s not glamorous, or extravagant. But I have a family I love, we are loved by so many, and we wake up every day with the ability to make messes and have adventures.  For that, I am, and forever will be grateful.  

High, Low, High

What a crazy month this has been!

It’s been full of stress and planning and paper writing and travel. While it’s been exciting, it’s honestly been exhausting too.

High

I finished my Masters Degree! At the end of April I presented my culminating project to the faculty and students of the School of Public Health at the University of Victoria.  The presentation was only ten minutes, but it was the end product of 8 months of practicum work and 3 years of course work. It still hasn’t sunk in that I’m actually finished. With my undergrad, I graduated with my entire class. We celebrated together, our families came to UPEI and celebrated with us. It was a big deal.  And while a Masters Degree seems much more accomplished academically, it seems as though everything else going on in life minimizes the accomplishment. As an undergrad, your entire life is school for 4 years. As an adult, particularly completing a program online and without a local group of peers, so many other big things are all happening at the same time.

During this degree I: worked full time, had a full time course load, got engaged, had a baby, bought a house and planned a wedding. So high five to me!

I can’t wait to get my paper in the mail! The physical evidence of all the hard work and sacrifice that I can hang on my wall and admire.

Low

Wedding planning, it’s the bane of my existence at the moment. I have no clue why people like planning weddings. It would probably be fun to plan a wedding with someone else’s money, and without the personal connection to the guests. I’ve had such a hard time with all this wedding stuff.  We agonized over where to host the wedding since our family and friends are so spread out. I hated making that decision. We finally decided on a destination wedding and picked a resort but I hated trying to figure out travel deals with different travel sites and travel agents. I hated that guests would have to spend money on a trip. But the reality was that no matter where we got married, the majority of guests were going to have to travel. The closer we get to the wedding, the more and more people aren’t going to make it. It has me questioning what the point of having a wedding is at all. We wanted to celebrate with friends and family and the majority of these people won’t even be there.  The perfect storm of factors such as  Zika virus, the Canadian dollar tanking and illness seems to have impacted many guests. I guess for me the most discouraging part of it all is the number of our friends who didn’t even bother to acknowledge they got an invitation at all.  I’m trying not to take it personally but it’s pretty tough.  We’re a week away from the wedding and I just want to get it over with. Don't get me wrong, I am excited to be getting married, and am looking forward to spending time with all of our friends and family that are coming with us, but I feel like the whole experience has been severely tainted by everything leading up to it.

High

On the bright side, we’re getting married next week! In a few short days I’m going to be on the beach with a (well deserved) drink in my hand! I am so excited to take Max to the beach and play in the ocean with him. I’m excited to go scuba diving. I’m excited to see my parents and those that are coming. I’m excited to shut my brain off and not think about the daily grind. I’m excited to watch Max play with his cousin. They were so little last time they saw each other they barely acknowledged each other’s existence.  Our resort looks amazing and I am definitely going to take advantage of any offers to babysit so I can truly relax and have some time to myself and enjoy the holiday.

Another high? It’s almost summer! Is it just me or did this warmer than usual winter feel really long? I’m looking forward to spending the whole summer in my yard gardening and reading and entertaining. It will be my first summer without homework in far too long and I plan to take full advantage by boating more and quading more and going on more family walks with Max, Penny and Chris and spending hours at the beach soaking in every last ray of midnight sun while I can. 

I feel like this blog has been a bit heavier than normal lately since I returned to it a month-ish ago. Maybe it's because the times I have the greatest urge to write are the times I have too many thoughts running through my head that I need to articulate. There are so many exciting things going on for me right now that I might be misrepresenting life a bit. I hope to be back with more exciting things now that the major life stressors are over!

Canada's Food Guide - A Dietitian's Perspective

As a Registered Dietitian, we get taught that the Canada’s Food Guide is the holy grail of nutrition advice and that we should be recommending all of our clients follow it to achieve health. I admit that I’ve always been a little weary.  While I’m in full support of evidence-based nutrition recommendations, I do hesitate when it comes to the food guide simply because of how involved industry was in its creation. I can’t help but feel like it’s slightly biased and maybe doesn’t represent the healthiest way to eat. That being said, it’s probably not a bad place to start for someone looking to eat healthier without any other knowledge or nutrition support.

The Canada’s Food Guide has been in the media lately.  Headlines read “Canada’s “dated” food guide needs drastic overhaul”, “critics demand drastic changes now”, “The Canada’s Food Guide is Killing you!”. These sensationalized headlines have caught my attention, and I imagine they would have caught my attention even if I wasn’t in the dietetics profession.  For any self-proclaimed ‘foodie’ or anyone interested in their health, I imagine that these headlines are alarming and confusing.

A lot of this backlash comes on the heels of recommendations made in March 2016 by the Senate Committee on Social Affairs, Science and Technology.  They released a report pushing for a national campaign to combat obesity and a tax on sugar-sweetened drinks and a direct call to immediately and completely revise Canada’s Food Guide, claiming that it needs to be more evidence-based and take a stronger stance against highly processed foods.  Sounds reasonable right?

Canadians have generally  followed the food guide – we eat more of the recommended foods like whole grains, and less of the foods we were told to limit like fats.

Over the last three decades, we’ve upped our fruit and vegetable intake while reducing fat and dairy – as per food guide recommendations. Canadians are relatively compliant with nutrition recommendations. But yet, despite this, we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic. Two thirds of our adult population are considered obese or overweight, a number which has doubled in the few years since 1980. The food guide is obviously not producing the outcomes it has intended. This also demonstrates the potential of a revamped food guide to positively impact the health of Canadians. If we’ve followed it into ill-health, we can follow a newer version into our best health.

The Current Food Guide

The current food guide is broken into 4 food groups with a recommended number of ‘servings’ per group. Serving sizes vary depending on the food. This in itself is an issue for me and for many of the clients I’ve seen in my office. It’s so confusing. Nobody wants to measure everything they eat or count calories or servings at every meal. The recommended servings are based on the average Canadian in each age/sex category meeting micro and macronutrient recommendations. This itself is a flaw. Not every adult female has the same needs. This system ignores satiety cues and true hunger in an attempt to eat a specific number of servings of certain foods.

The current guide is way too processed carbohydrate heavy. It recommends adults consume 6-8 servings of grains per day, and that only half of these should be whole grains. Examples of foods in this group include bagels and cereal. Foods which can be highly processed and full of sugar and preservatives. Not exactly the picture of health. It also considered 100% fruit juice a serving a fruit and vegetables. Fruit juice doesn’t contain all the same nutrients and fiber, and contains way more sugar per serving then whole fruit.

Moving Forward

So what changes would I make to a new food guide? How do I think Canadians should be eating? As a Registered Dietitian with a Masters of Public Health, I feel like I have a bit of knowledge on population health and nutrition.

In my opinion, an effective food guide needs to focus on a whole diet approach. It needs to focus on choosing fresh, whole foods that are limitedly processed. We need to stop being so afraid of fat that comes from meat, eggs, nuts, seeds and other natural foods. We need to cook more and rely less on pre-prepared foods. We need to simplify the ingredients we use and consume. But, like most things, this is easier said than done.

The first question is how do we make choosing the healthiest option the easiest option? Processed foods and fast foods are so easy to grab and go and can be less expensive for those on a fixed income. How do we change the environment around food to make sure that healthy foods are accessible and affordable for everyone? Living in the Northwest Territories, I’ve seen first-hand how expensive fresh fruits and vegetables can be, and how hard it came be for a family to afford a healthy diet.

The second question is what skills do people need to be able to cook for themselves and their families? What knowledge do people need to be able to make healthy choices at the grocery store where they are bombarded with flashy packaging and health claims like “fat free” “diet” “all natural”. It’s not enough to simply tell people what to eat. People need to be informed enough to make their own choices and need to have the skills to use the fresh food they are buying.

The third question is what place does the food industry have in all this? A new Canada’s Food Guide should be developed based on evidence-based research and not tainted by biased science developed by the food industry. I do think that we need to hold the food industry more accountable for the misleading messages they send the public about how ‘healthy’ a product is. We need to stop allowing them to advertise sugary processed foods to kids.  We need to work with them to create products that make it easy for consumers to eat foods that nourish them. The food industry should be a partner only after the guide has been developed, and should not be a part of developing the recommendations.

Ultimately, I think the food guide recommendations are being given way too much thought.  Instead of prescribing how Canadians should eat, we should be changing our food industry and food environments to be more conducive to choosing healthier options. Imagine walking into the grocery store and not cringing at the cost of fresh produce.

As a dietitian, I believe that there are 2 types of foods. Some foods nourish your body, and some foods nourish your soul. A healthy diet nourishes both without depriving either. 

Virtual Coffee Date: April 7 2016.

If we were having coffee this morning I’d be so grateful you’ve listened to the ups and downs of my life at the moment. I’d want to hear all about yours too. We’d share some laughs, cave and order the giant cookies half way through our date and leave with a satisfying buzz, from the caffeine and conversation, vowing not to wait so long before we do it again.

I love coffee. I love coffee shops. There’s something about them that makes me feel introspective and open. It’s one of my favorite ways to unwind, it’s my favorite place to get school work done, and one of my favorite ways to connect with friends.  So pull up a leather arm chair and a fancy coffee and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee this morning I’d order a large Americano. Strong and dark and hot. I’d tell you how excited I am to be almost done school. I’d tell you how little motivation I have to fulfill the last few requirements. I only have one last set of revisions for my culminating report and a 10 minute PowerPoint presentation to complete. But this final project has been dragging on and I’m so mentally checked out and disengaged. I’m majorly over it. I’m trying to battle through it and get it done before the last minute so that it’s over. I want to do a good job and present my project in a way that highlights how much I have learned throughout the entire program. I think the high expectations I have set for myself for this presentation are one of the things keeping me from starting.

If we were having coffee this morning I’d ask about your family. I’d tell you how much I miss living close to my parents and grandparents. I’d tell you how much I appreciate having my sister in the same town as me since she’s the only family member within several provinces. Thank goodness for social media, facetime and texting. While I appreciate how connected we can be via technology, I miss the face-to-face interactions of everyday life. The time spent hanging out in my parents living room and kitchen with the intense loudness of the whole family in one space. It makes me sad that Max hasn’t really been exposed to that dynamic yet. I really hope that one day we will live closer and be able to see everyone more often and that Max will have a really close relationship with my family, like I did growing up.

If we were having coffee this morning I’d tell you how torn I am about what our future holds. On one hand I can’t wait to move from Hay River and live somewhere closer to my family, closer to some more amenities and with a lower cost of living. On the other hand, I love the lifestyle we have here. I love being able to snowshoe, go quadding, go boating and paddle boarding and be at the beach within minutes. I’m nervous about moving somewhere without any family. At least here we have my sister and mother and sister-in-law. I would love to have a career in my field and be doing something I am passionate about on a daily basis, instead of a menial administrative job that I find boring and uninspiring. I know a move will be best for us in the long run, but it’s a terrifying (and exciting) thought at the moment.

If we were having coffee this morning I’d tell you how excited I am to get married next month! I’m excited for the week-long holiday with our family and friends. I’m excited to get to marry Chris and be his wife. I’m excited for a hooliday and a break from ‘real-life’. The man marrying us sent me vows to review today and reading them fills me with such joy and giddy excitement. I can’t wait to see Chris at the altar, have all of our family and friends in one place and get to spend an entire week celebrating with everyone. It will be a much needed vacation after a very busy last 2 years.

The Constant Pursuit of More: Finding Life Balance

I’ve always been incredibly driven. I’ve always had a goal in mind, something to work towards whether it was an academic achievement like a degree or course or certificate, or been in pursuit of an athletic goal like improving my running pace time, breaking a personal best or getting in X number of workouts a week.

I’ve reached a point in my life where all of these goals are have either been completed (go me!) or have lost their significance and are no longer things I care about.  Shockingly enough, being in a place without concrete, measurable goals is actually harder than being in the midst of the struggle to obtain them. And even harder still is letting go of the goals that no longer serve you. Letting go of the goals that are no longer important to you before you've completed them.

I am in such a great place right now.  I am going to be married in 58 short days to a man that supports me, loves me unconditionally, is a great Dad and a true provider for our family.  We own a cute little house that I love (mostly because it’s ours).  I have the most amazing son who I adore more than anything in this whole world and who brings me so much joy and laughter every day. I am a month away from being finished my Master’s Degree in Public Health and Social Policy, which has been a goal of mine since developing a passion for Public Health during my undergrad.  I have a full time permanent job that pays the bills.  I’m surrounded by friends and family.   

And yet, for some reason I keep thinking “what next?”  I’m having trouble being still, and enjoying everything exactly as it is because life really is pretty awesome right now. I’m not saying that being ambitious and having goals is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s so important to value self-growth and to be mentally stimulated by things that you are passionate about every day.  But there’s got to be a balance between always striving for more while still being perfectly content right where you are.

This is the balance I’m striving for. 

Part of me wonders if having a job in my field that challenges me and ignites my passions might create this balance. And part of me worries that I’ll always be looking to the next goal, the next stage, the next achievement. 

So the question of the day;  is it possible to constantly have goals while still enjoying exactly where you are? Aren't these two things a bit of an oxymoron?

Disconnecting from TV and Internet

Today is the first day of Spring! Every year I find myself more and more appreciative of spring and the promise it brings for fresh starts, warm summer nights and hot daytime sun.  Maybe it's living in the Northwest Territories that has me loving spring more and more each year.  The winters here are long and dark and cold. This Spring is particularly exciting because we're getting married in May! Other springtime plans include spring cleaning my house and spending as much time as possible outside now that the temperatures are starting to creeping above freezing.

Another big change we're making this spring is as a family, we're making a concerted effort to disconnect from technology and spend more quality time together.  As of April 1st, we are cutting ties to our Satellite TV and the WIFI in our home.  It's going to be a big adjustment! I find the TV on whenever we're home just for the background noise, and I'm pretty much always scrolling through social media.  We're hoping that cutting off these services will force us to spend more time outside playing and gardening, more time reading books, more time exercising after Max goes to bed and more time checking items off our to-do list around the house.  I'm also hoping it will teach me to be more present when I'm home. I'm a slave to my cell phone and it's pretty much always in my hand. I'm seriously addicted! I want to spend more time playing with Legos and blocks, colouring, swinging on the swing set in the yard and walking to the local parks.

One of the other reasons we're disconnecting is to save money.  When we looked at our monthly expenses, we realized we were spending over 300$ a month on these services.  That's a lot of money! We're going to use that money to help pay for our wedding and to help pay off our vehicle sooner.

While we won't have satellite TV or internet in our home, I will still have access to internet at work and limited data on my smart phone.  We are also lucky enough to have an amazing library in our town where we can rent movies and seasons of shows and of course books.  So we aren't disconnecting completely from electronics, but our use will be drastically reduced.

We've disconnected for 6 months and we're going to re-evaluate in September.  I'll keep you posted on how it goes!  Until then, I'll be binge watching bad TV and Netflix until April 1st.

FIFO Family Life

And my second month of working full time as a ‘single’ mom while Chris is away is almost over.  I have a whole new appreciation for Fridays that I didn’t have while on Maternity Leave.  Since Chris works a FIFO (fly-in fly-out) job, 2 weeks in, 2 weeks out, weekends were never really any different for us while I was off work.  The exciting days were fly-in days which are Tuesdays or  Wednesdays, while the dreaded ‘Monday’ of our world are the Tuesdays and Wednesdays he flies back to camp.  I don’t think I’ll ever get used to those lonely fly-out days.

Being a new mom and a new family definitely has its challenges.  Having a partner who works away has it’s challenges.  Combining both of them has been such a learning experience for me.  I know how much Chris hates being away from home so often and I know that it’s hard on him to essentially miss half of Max’s life.  I can’t really comment on what it’s like to be the one who is always away, but I do know what it’s like to be the one left at home with all the responsibilities of caring for a baby and keeping the house a float, while also working full time.  It’s easy for me to sit here and talk about how I have it harder than him, and while I think that in some ways, I know he feels that it’s harder to be away. 

And because I’m mildly obsessed with lists, I’m going to list the things that being a ‘single’ mom half the time has taught me!

1)      It’s ok to ask for help

 We are very lucky to have quite a bit of family that live nearby.  And living in a small town means that your friends become as close as family too.  All of these things have been life savers this year.  My mother in law and sister in law run a daycare so they are available all day to watch max when I need them to. My sister lives in town as well and has been an amazing support with Max and has been able to watch him for me whenever I need her to.  While I was on maternity leave, this was the occasional afternoon where I needed to get a paper written for my Masters degree or had a rare ‘mommy’s night out’ at book club or a movie with a friend.  Honestly, sometimes these resources were utilized just so I could have an hour alone at a coffee shop to read a book or get errands done.  We are lucky to have such a great support system close by, but if you don’t and your budget allows, it’s worth hiring a sitter once in a while for ‘me’ time. Take people up on their offers to bring you supper or help watch the baby.  While in the moment it might feel like you’re slacking, the little breaks add up in the long run to save your sanity. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes so you can run to the grocery store, prep a hot meal or even just take an extra long shower.

2)      There are more hours in a day then you think, but never enough

Every time Chris leaves, I’m intimidated about doing everything myself. Caring for Max and Penny in a way that showers them both with love. Maintaining some semblance of a clean house, keeping up with laundry, shoveling snow as needed, cooking every meal, doing bath and bedtime routines by myself, getting everyone out of the house on time in the morning.  All of the day-to-day everyday life things. Things that we do together, as partners that you take for granted.  There’s no “I’ll take out the garbage while you get Max dressed” or “I’ll go switch the laundry while you finish supper”.  All of a sudden it all needs to get done by one person.  But you know what? It gets done. Eventually.  Maybe not as quickly as it would with us both home, but the laundry can wait an extra day.  You’ll find yourself doing more in a day then you thought possible, and wondering how you’re so unproductive when your partner is home.

3)      You’ll miss your ‘single’ routine when he’s home

My routine when Chris is home is very different then when he’s away. I’m more organized. I’m more productive. I do things in a way that works well for me.  I don’t have to consider anyone else. When Chris gets home, that all changes.  I have to consider someone else’s schedule and habits.  I have to consider someone else’s dietary preferences. There’s someone else in my space and disrupting my routine with a different mental timeline or a different way of doing things.  But it goes both ways.  There’s someone else home to help with the baby and the puppy. It takes a few days to adjust to him being home.  The first few days we’re stepping on each other and getting into each others way because we’re no longer used to co-existing.

4)      How you think things will run when he gets home is not how it actually work

I always make elaborate plans for once Chris is home and I’ll have so much help and tons of free time.  Nope. Doesn’t work that way! While it’s great to think that he will take over Max duty all day so I can go to the gym and have coffee with friends, he usually has an agenda of things he needs to do while home to. Like fix the truck, plow snow, help a buddy fix their truck.  Communicating really well about my needs and expectations when he’s home and his is so important. He’s exhausted after working 14 days straight, particularly when he comes off nights.  I expect him to be in full on Dad mode the second he steps off the plane, while he needs a day to adjust and recuperate. I expect him to just pick up where he left off but 2 weeks is a long time in the life of a baby and it takes him a few days to get reoriented with Max’s routine and schedule. We both need to give each other a little slack those first few days because it takes time for everyone to get readjusted. 

5)      Fly-out days don’t get any easier

The loneliness that first little while after Chris gets out of the truck and into the airport to fly-out is deep and dark. 2 weeks feels like an eternity in those first few hours and you wonder how you’re going to survive, how you’ve ever managed to do it all before.  While previous two week stretches as a ‘single’ parent should provide confidence, they don’t because so much has changed in the month since he left last. You feel like crying every. single. time but you don’t because you put on a brave face for the baby, who knows he’s gone but doesn’t realize it’s for 2 full weeks.  You cuddle extra with the baby and dog those first few days as you adjust, yet again to a new routine and level of busyness.

6)      You’ll be grumpy that he’s the ‘favorite’ after working so hard solo

 Nothing makes Max or Penny happier then Chris.  When he walks through the door after being away they both freak out.  They cling to him for days.  Max only wants to be held by Dad and play with Dad. And while this makes my heart melt seeing their bond and the love they have for each other, I can’t help but think that I just worked soo hard keeping him alive and safe and happy the last two weeks and he doesn’t even appreciate it.  Obviously he’s a baby and I’m just over thinking it all, but I can’t help but feel a little rejected those first few days.

Oh my gosh I could talk about this forever! There’s just so many complex emotions that accompany this lifestyle. And I'm sure it'll change dramatically now that I'm back to work.

The biggest learning for me personally has been that we're both working hard for our family in very different ways.  Both are equally important, both are equally difficult, and both are equally crucial to our household running smoothly.